In the Distance

I thought things would get better as I got older. So much experience to make the journey easier. Then I realized, I should have changed my ways.

The world is a bully that torments me for decades. My experience doesn’t make up for my mental state that is withering away.

Familiarity is now in the distance. I don’t recognize this place. Anxiety occupies the space. There is no refuge for the one who is damaged, no rest for the one who is in despair.

I thought things would get better instead, I’m just getting older.

Behind Me

I struggle to sleep. Relaxation and empty thoughts are what I need. I want to dream again. I wander across the moments in my journal, looking for the turning point that brought me here. Looking back has become my default perspective; I don’t want to become a pillar of salt.


Another sunset, the final seconds fading on this journey of exploration. The trials and errors of experimenting with people’s opinions; the proverbial setup for failure. Decisions born from chaos.

Trying times is an understatement.  I believed the things I’ve seen. I trusted the stuff I’ve heard. My mind dismantled; my heart ripped to shreds. 

The lesson is a scarlet letter. A scar forever. No retribution, no reclamation; the damage is done and the debt is settled.