At each point in time, I am cast into the deep forced to live or die by my own efforts. For a long time, I was afraid to ask for help because of the negative reactions that generally followed my request for aid.
Alone, is the only method I am accustomed to using. To live and die by my own efforts is my interpretation of responsibility. The reward and consequences of my actions; the recompense of my accounting.
In time, things will change. Acceptance comes out of necessity. I must trust my judgment. My intuition has never failed me.