Tag: anxiety

March 19, 2024

Vernal Equinox

Last week, my boss kept moving our scheduled one-on-one; I’m still trying to figure out why. When I arrived at work yesterday, I missed a late Friday afternoon chat message asking if I was available for a quick chat. I apologized for not responding at that time. She told me it was no worries and we would chat later. We did not have that conversation.

My workload continues to overwhelm me, particularly with the efficiency of the communications process, communications governance, and the implementation of a new payment supplement I’m currently handling. Although I have applied for less demanding roles (on paper), I need a new strategy to change my situation.

Today is the Vernal Equinox, the first day of Spring.

Happy Tuesday.

March 14, 2024

My virtual interview session yesterday was okay. I had difficulty feigning interest in the work associated with the role. The hiring manager also kept asking me about my training experience and what I loved about it. After the call, that moment triggered a memory from five years ago when I applied for a project manager role, and the recruiter asked me similar questions about training. It’s a tactic to determine your interest in the role you applied for. I probably won’t be hearing from them regarding a second interview.

I am facilitating a kickoff meeting with 50 executives and managers on the call today. My anxiety wants me to jump out of the window.

Happy Thursday.

March 11, 2024

Tasteless jab.

The 2024 Oscars aired last night. I didn’t watch the ceremony but learned that Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue included a tasteless jab at Robert Downey Jr.  

I have a busy week ahead of me. Everyone’s follow-up items arrived in my email inbox late Friday afternoon, and I also have a virtual interview this week.  

I hope the week goes by as fast as the weekend did.

Happy Monday.

February 15, 2024

Becoming excessive.

My consumption of Red Bull is becoming excessive.

Yesterday, one of the managers told me that my new assignment would get my face out there in the organization. At my age and anxiety levels, I prefer to be in the flow of traffic, not directly in front of it.

I should be more direct with my goals and not let others decide.

Happy Thursday.

Broken Norm

Three-hundred days of incubation.
Words were spoken, with no translation.
Mental experimentation.
Nights of manifestations.
Sanity kept with journal notations.
The world is silent, with no explanation.

Fifth Dimension

In 2018, I entered my fifth decade. It was an uncertain time; my struggles professionally got the best of me because of my career goals. I trusted more than I questioned. By early May 2018, anxiety and betrayal got the best of me, so; I walked away from my employer for mental recovery. It was a strange time, and I questioned my value in the world.

In 2019, I hoped things would improve. I took on a role with a company that looked promising, but it cranked my anxiety to critical mass. The months following proved disastrous due to lousy employment choices. Things looked promising as I went to work for someone I knew from a previous contract.

In 2020, situations at work became stressful. The company president laid down unrealistic expectations, which triggered my anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I made it a point to stick through the tough time when I received a sudden lay-off due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I became one of 20 million unemployed people; I live in Nevada, the hardest-hit state.

It’s August, and I am turning 52 years old this month. I hoped things would get more comfortable as I get older, but no, not so much. However, I continue to persevere and survive.